There are some questions a lot of people have asked and some people have hinted at wanting to ask so I figured I would go ahead and answer them here for everyone :) And yes, we totally don't mind answering questions. No one has to beat around the bush. First I wanted to put one thing to rest. 99% of our combined family and friends found out about the pregnancy and miscarriage the same way: Facebook and this blog. I'm so sorry for those who were hurt by this but we really didn't pick and choose who to call and who would have to hear it with everyone else. I chose to tell everyone this way because just telling the very few people we did was so hard. I got tired of saying we lost our baby. We were having a hard time so I went with the option that allowed the most amount of our family and friends to find out at once. But I truly never meant for any feelings to get hurt. That was the furthest thing from my mind.
Now on to the "popular" questions....
Do you know what went wrong?
No and there won't be any way to tell. This "type" (that's a poor choice of wording but I can't think of anything else) of miscarriage is very common and there is nothing that can be done that would have prevented it. Not that any of that helps. Believe me, I still feel a lot of mommy-guilt and try to figure out what I did wrong.
Does this change your mind about trying to have another baby?
Yes and no. We have been very open about feeling like our family was complete with Lucy. And we also said if something happened (like our pleasant surprise with Bunny) then we would be totally excited. Now though do we feel like our family is less complete somehow? Not really. We like to think we are still a whole, complete family. Its just that not everyone is physically here on earth. But we got attached to the idea of Lucy having a sibling to play with and everything that comes with that. We feel very torn. On one hand we don't want to jump into trying for another just because we are sad about this loss. On the other hand we don't want to make the decision not to have another out of fear and heartache. We are not at all in the place we feel like we need to be to make a huge decision like that now. Hopefully before G.I. Joe deploys we will have a very clear direction from God on what we need to do for our family. In the meantime, we feel like even though this baby isn't here right now we don't need to be obsessing over having another. This is just what we feel is right for us.
How are you doing?
"Okay." That's the answer you will get from us on the phone or in person. But the truth is we still sit and cry together every night. Thank God G.I. Joe was able to rearrange some things and be home now and home for Mother's Day. It wasn't supposed to be like that but people have been very understanding. We are struggling with this but we're dealing with it and taking things a day, or hour at a time. A family member told me to listen to this song because he really knew it would help us right now and the end basically says that in the arms of God the aching may always remain but the breaking does not. We're still at the broken stage but we have faith God has a plan and will bring healing.
What can we do for you?
I rarely know what to say when people offer to do things. We honestly just appreciate the thoughts and prayers. When I feel like the hurt is unbearable I read some text messages, and emails and things like that and its a comfort. A virtual hug helps more than you can ever realize.
I promised my next post would end a happy note
so here's what's made me happy lately!
My favorite movie star :)
Too glam for her own good.