Friday, April 23, 2010

It just gets harder.


I'm soooooooooooo close to being done with writing my manuscript. Its scary how close. I thought that when I got to the chapters toward the end of the book it would be easier to relive those memories. I was past my peak of anxiety and my lowest moments of depression. Who wants to keep reliving that stuff? I didn't, and I thought it would be easier to relive the end.

I was wrong.

I only have a few days left of writing but what I have to write about gets harder with every word. Those last months G.I. Joe was in Iraq were post-Ramadan. That point in 2006 was extremely ugly over there. I've been going through his journals and copying his words into the manuscript to mingle with my elation over being almost done with the whole year. Know I look back through his eyes. I picture all the close calls he describes, like IED's that barely missed and mortar rounds that by the grace of God hit empty buildings and not him in the turret. He came home with scars in head from nearby explosions and that's it. I suppose I had access to this journal all along. I know I have heard some stories. But I've never had to sit down and focus on them and describe them.

The talk we had recently was more of a "numbers" talk so this is different. On one hand it makes me endlessly happy that he's here and motivates me that much more to finish the book. I want to create something to make my hero proud. On the other hand...when I read his description about what its like to watch a buddy flat-line on a stretcher knowing that buddy's wife was probably getting a pregnancy confirmation that very same day...I want to be done. I don't want to read it, write it, or think about it anymore.

For the next 2 or 3 days I'm going to be plowing through this so I can finally write The End.

Of course, that's not necessarily going to make life "easy." Haha...I still have to try and sell this thing. Its starting to get more real now. Some strangers are going to read this and either think "Wow, this is garbage." Or "Wow, that girl was pathetic." Or "Wow, I'm a military wife and I've felt the exact same thing. I'm glad to know I'm not a freak!"

Sorry for the rambling. I'm tired and just so ready to move on. If I never see a dime from this book it will be fine with me. Writing it was the best therapy I could ever ask for.


22 comments:

L.C. said...

I think it sounds like a great idea! And I would LOVE to read it when you are finished!

Wife on the Roller Coaster said...

You've mentioned writing before but I had no idea what your book was about. I think it's fantastic that you're writing about your experiences with your husband's deployment. I would definitely buy your book!

I also want to applaud you for your amazing passion and your drive to reach your goals. I'm an aspiring writer, and I feel like I use so many excuses not to work on that novel I've been stuck on chapter 4 of for a decade. So many excuses not to start that second novel that's completely written in my head. So good for you! And best of luck getting it published. Can't wait to read it!

Brandi said...

I think it takes a real person to be able to write about the REAL hardships and you are doing that. I have no doubt that if you put your heart into it it will be published. If the big publishing companies don't listen then you will just have to sell it on your own because there ARE women out there who will read it and will know exactly where you are coming from.

Congrats on being close to the end of this really big chapter of your life. : )

Sara said...

I don't think I knew you were writing a book. From the sounds of it, its something I'd definitely read. I got through my deployments by getting through true recounts by military wives. I can't imagine how hard it is to read his words about one of the most terrible times of his life.

Melissa Andersen said...

You are very brave. I am looking forward to reading it when you're done.

I think you will find all of this reflection to be very healthy and rewarding.

Mrs. G.I. Joe said...

Thanks for the encouragement, ladies!

Its a little hard to get motivated this morning....that's why I'm here commenting on my blog :P

But I gotta work. I'm ready for my desk/computer to not add up to me crying like a baby for an hour.

Whitney said...

Please let me know when you finish it and publish it. I followed your other blog, and read the stuff you posted there. You are an amazing writer. I am dying to read it, and will go out and buy a copy once it is in stores.

Charity said...

You are one very strong woman to willingly revisit all of those hard times. I hope you get published, it would be such an amazing opportunity to share your experiences.

Crazy Shenanigans said...

That's so great that you're almost to the end! You can do it!!!!

Expat Girl said...

I cant wait to read it...you are so close to the end now!

Jessica said...

Your book definitely sounds like something that I would read. I love reading other wives experiences. I hope that you finish the book this weekend, and it sells extremely fast. Good Luck!!

JG said...

Just to chime into the chorus here....

Oh yes, definitely count on me being #1 at the bookstore! (And if you ever go on a signing tour, I will make the drive!) I know what you mean about writing being therapeutic, and I promise, there are many women (and men, of course) out there who will need to hear your story. Thank you for writing your book.

Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

Its going to be incredible. And I'm going to read it.

♥ Mrs. S.

Mateya said...

I can't imagine how hard it is for you to relive some of that stuff but I admire your courage. I am looking very forward to reading this!

I knew you were writing a book, but didn't know what about...you are amazing!

stacie-marie said...

Im 100 percent sure that if for some reason it wasnt picked up to be published you could sell it on your blog.. I know I for one would read it over and over again

LCpl'sPrincess said...

keep pushing sweet girl!

Kerry said...

So happy you're almost done. Sending some positive energy your way to get through the end with all the emotions it'll entail. :)

You can do it and just remember that your experience can help another wife who's going through or will go through what you did.

Sarah said...

I would definitely read your book and not think you're crazy. =) I'd love to see it sitting on a shelf! (But, I may have to have it signed since I kinda know you and all. Lol! =D) I don't envy going through your hubby's detailed description of his time in Iraq. I'm not so sure I could do the same.

Lisa said...

Sounds very interesting! I know there are lots of milspouses out there who would enjoy reading it, including myself!

Jess (Life with BooBoo and Bug) said...

Everytime I read a post from you about your book I get that much more interested in reading it :) It takes a lot of strength to write about personal experience and you are so genuine that I know this will be an amazing reflection of your military life. Keep Going!

Ashley said...

I'm sure you're not going to have an issue getting someone to publish it for you. And you're right, even if you (by some freak chance) don't, at least you've gotten "therapy" from it.

KelleeLyn said...

I will def read your book!
I gave you a blog award! Check out my page for it and the rules that go along with it :-)