Friday, March 26, 2010

A Tale of Two Tattoos

I had really wanted to be able to share a little bit of exciting news with you all this week but it turns out I can't. Ugh. I'm not excited about it anymore. I'll explain that later...between now and the end of May. But for now here is a different kind of post for the weekend.


This tattoo is on G.I. Joe's back

Its not finished yet but he got the outline done the summer of 05, when we started dating.
At that point he was fresh out of basic and knew he was going to Iraq.

A number of his friends had already given their lives over there so he did this as a way of honoring them.

I think its my favorite out of all his tattoos.




This, on the other hand...is my least favorite.

To understand why, here is a little history:

G.I. Joe's platoon in Iraq had the call sign "Dragon."
He had told me on the phone a number of times that when he got home he wanted to get a dragon tattoo. I was totally fine with that because I know that being in combat with those guys for 12 months was a really huge deal so naturally he wanted to commemorate their brotherhood.

November 2006 I was busy trying to get excited about him coming home that January but also still dealing with being completely worry-sick because I rarely heard anything from him.

During one of the few conversations we had that fall he mentioned the tattoo....in passing.
He had gotten it back in July! 
To say I was shocked and a bit hurt is an understatement.

For us, we believe that when you are married your bodies belong to each other. G.I. Joe believes this wholeheartedly. Call us old fashion if you like, I really don't care. But it just makes sense. We made vows and we're sticking to them. That means he's going to be looking at me for a wicked long time. If he doesn't want me to tattoo a peace sign in the middle of my stomach, I understand.

So, there was that.

The other huge reason I didn't at all like this tattoo was because of what it symbolized.
That was a whole year of his life that I wasn't a part of.**** He'll say differently. He says I was what gave him the will to survive, what inspired him.... It doesn't feel like that for me. That entire year he was away he could stop and think of me at home. If he willed himself enough he could be right there in his mind, with me. In our home, or riding in our car, or at the Target down the road. G.I. Joe knows every nook and cranny of my life...but I couldn't picture him in Iraq. It felt like he was my entire world but I was only a part of his.

Nowadays I don't even think about this tattoo. I don't avoid looking at it, its just not important. I don't harbor any bad feelings over it. I'm immune. But it was quite a process to get to that point and to finally understand that we do now have one life together.

So...do you and your spouse, finance or boyfriend have any rules about tattoos and piercings? Can either of you go out and get something like that done or do you have to discuss it first?

PS-I have to thank my awesome G.I. Joe for letting me share this story. It wasn't at all to make him look bad, which he worried about. Its just a part of military life and deployments that makes for interesting discussions.


***Extended explanation***
I really didn't know this would be necessary but apparently it is. 
If you have read this blog for any amount of time this info is old and I didn't think it necessary to repeat it at the beginning of every post. 
G.I. Joe was in Iraq for all of 2006 and returned home January of 2007.
We were married on Christmas Eve 2005 and he left a week later. 
I had no military wife friends at the time and didn't know anyone who even had parents in the military. 
When I asked our FRG leader to be included in the meetings and the newsletter because I had no clue what I was doing and was already struggling she laughed me. A woman who was married to his XO laughed at a 19 year old crying over missing her new groom. 
So I had no military assistance. I didn't know where to turn and things got ugly fast. 
I will do a full post on my first year as a Milie but I'll just say here that I was so depressed and anxious that around the time I found out about the tattoo I called the Red Cross because I felt like I was about to have a nervous breakdown. (No one besides G.I. Joe knew that until now)
 
He spent 12 months in combat and I rarely heard from him. 
Please understand when I say that I appreciate what all he went through. 
I will never be able to empathize because I haven't done it myself but we are soul mates. 
We're connected. When he hurts or is troubled, so am I. 
I wish to God that I could bare more of the burrden of his memories.
Its painful as a wife to watch your soul mate have flash backs and nightmares but not be able to do that much. I give him all the love and support I can but there is a great feeling of helplessness that comes with it. 
 
I 1000% support his tattoo, his deployment, his career, and him because he IS "G.I. Joe." 
 
When I found out about the tattoo it did hurt but I sought Christian counsel and by the time he came home in January I wasn't even thinking about it. Just like people had told me. 
"Its understandable why you are upset but I promise this won't seem like an issue worth being upset over once he's finally in your arms again." 
 
That was very very true. 
After he came home he went on unaccompanied orders for over 2 years. Then he was home for this past year. So, really...I've said it before. G.I. Joe said it too...
this is not an issue in our marriage. 
 
It was simply a discussion topic. 
I never said I was perfect or right, I was simply expressing the way I feel.
I wouldn't have wanted him thinking about me every second that year because he needed to focus to stay alive. That's why I don't understand how it is that I was such a part of his year over there. 
I am not the only wife to ever feel like he's my whole world and I am only part of his. 
 
Its not something I nag him about. 
I'll always choose this crazy life with him over another man who'd be around more. 

53 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's very thought-provoking! We don't really have any rules on tattoos or piercings. He had gauged ears when he met prior to enlisting and the holes are smaller now. On the other hand, I have 6 piercings and might get more.

When he was in Korea he got a tattoo on his elbow and didn't tell me until after he got it that he did. It hurt a little that he didn't tell me, but it was a quick decision anyway. He did it spur-of-the-moment, and it IS his body. But I wish he had waited to get home and do it because it wasn't very high quality and now he needs to get it redone because the edges are rough, the color is fading, etc.

When it comes to tattoos later, I might talk about them with him, but it's ultimately my decision what I get where, etc. I don't plan to get anything outlandish, and I hope in the future he'll decide to tell me first rather than get a tattoo and THEN tell me.

Expat Girl said...

Now that my husband is deployed the tattoo conversation seems to be coming up more. I am fine with it as long as he tells me and I know he is the same way and would hate it if I got something as permanent as that without telling/asking him. When he gets back I know he will get a few but I am drawing the line at how many and he better listen to that haha

Mateya said...

Robbie got a tattoo while he was at Basic Training and called me right after he got it done (we were broken up at this time). He told me he got a tattoo but wouldn't tell me what it was. I really didn't care at the time. It is a cross on his arm. I had been talking about getting a tatoo last year and for my birthday he wanted to go with me to get it, but we just never did.

This summer on a quick vacation he just randomly said, "Let's go get your tattoo." So we did and it is a great and hilarious memory we will both cherish forever! Needless to say I will never get a tattoo again (I am such a baby!).

LCpl'sPrincess said...

you said something that i am going through right now but couldnt find the words for it until i read yours " he is my entire life, yet i only feel like i am a part of his" to be honest i have guilty feelings for feeling this way! HELP! as far as tattoos go, yes we discuss every single one!

Little Miss Emmy Lou said...

Thanks to both of you for sharing such a personal thing.

I agree with you about being old fashioned. I agree that when you get married, 2 become 1 and when you are 1, you make decisions together, including such decisions as tattoos (I mean, they are permanent!). We don't have any tattoos but I am right there with you in your perspective.

I think it's wonderful that your hubby has a way to commemorate his time with his fellow soldiers. I am sure it is very meaningful to him.

Margaret said...

Leif isn't a big fan of tattoos or piercings. I really want to repierce my nose and get a tattoo but Leif doesn't care for them so I won't do it:) I would never go out and just do it, and Leif wouldn't either.

Like you said, our bodies belong to each other now. We can't just go out and do whatever we want to ourselves.

If that makes sense, haha.

Sarah said...

My G.I. Joe and I have the same rule! We, too, view our bodies as each others'. We both got tattoos back in January. It was something we'd discussed in detail. I'd been thinking of getting one even before he left for basic and so had he. I see nothing wrong with what he wanted to get (our names and wedding date in script) on his shoulder and he didn't mind that I wanted a cross on my wrist. I was a little worried that he wasn't going to like it...but apparently, he finds it attractive. =)

Mrs. Muffins said...

I love tattoos... especially the stories behind them. Matt has 10 and I have 3. Theres a tattoo that he got while we were broken up and it's always bothered me for some reason. I guess because thats what I think of when I see it. The time we weren't together.

We wouldn't just go out and get something either... there would be a discussion and then we'd probably go together.

Caitlin said...

We don't have any rules, but I expect us to run things by eachother. I tell him before I get a piercing, because he's the one who has to look at me. I plan on getting tattoos, and I'll also want his ok on those. Sounds old fashioned, like you said, but I don't want something meaningful to me on my body forever that he can't stand to look at.
For him, he isn't into piercings, and just lately he's been thinking about getting a tattoo. I don't really want him to. Hypocritcal, but it's like it will ruin the perfection of his body. LOL. I just want to be there when/if he gets it.

Jeannette said...

My hubby is against tattoos. He just doesn't see the point in modifying his body. I would love to get a tiny {think quarter sized} hippo somewhere on my body where only I {and hubby of course} would see it as a reminder of all the weight I lost. I adore hippos and pretty much anything "hippoesque" as in round, rolly pollyish shaped. It would be sort of a play on "words" since it would remind me of how big I was, the huge effort I put into losing it, and it is my favorite animal anyways. He doesn't mind if I get it...he just doesn't see the point in it. I can't decide where to put it so it won't get stretched out during pregnancy but it would still be a private tattoo.

Erin said...

My GI Joe said "That's one cool F***ing Tat!"

jsimplylive said...

Hi! Cool tattoos. I found your blog through my friend Michelle, who follows your blog. Thank you for what you do. I am in the Army but I think Army wives have the hardest job in the military. I just started my own blog, so take a peek when you get a chance. Have a great weekend!

Riding the Roller Coaster said...

What an interesting post! My husband and I have considered tattoos, and it's definitely something we would discuss further if we ever chose to get one. I can TOTALLY understand your husband's side as far as wanting to get a tattoo of something that is such an important part of his life. Maybe he could have discussed it with you since you're the one who has to look at it, but that's really none of my business. And I have to say that's awfully sweet what he said about you being his will to survive when he was in Iraq. You reminded me though how, when my husband was in Iraq years ago, I had absolutely no idea what he was going through, but he knew every thought that went through my mind because I wrote him a letter every single day for 6 months. (BTW, he kept all the letters, and I laughed when I reread them, how silly I sounded talking about my every day boring life while he was in the middle of a war!)

What a teaser at the beginning with exciting news that isn't exciting anymore. Hope you can share with us soon! Have a great weekend.

Winnie said...

Hubby and I think like you guys. We have the same tattoo but his has my name and mine has his name. Since he's a physicist our tattoos are a picture of how the Earth looked like from Capricornus, which is September's constellation (month we met). We are now considering to get another one but this time we want it to honor our children.

Ashley said...

I love that you said your bodies belong to each other.

As you know from the conversation on Facebook about me piercing my lip, we have that whole talk-before-you-do thing about piercings and tattoos. We are both very into tattoos, so those aren't really the issue--provided I don't do anything extreme, which, I never would. He just doesn't like piercings very much because he thinks they're trashy.
And he has a tattoo that I cannot stand, too. Its on his upper bicep and he got it when he was younger by some ammature. It makes me think of the life he led before me, the life where he was a completely different person, the life where he was not a good person. So I get it...for different reasons. :)

R said...

really making me think today aren't ya? hmmm... I have two tattoos, both of which I've had done while hubs & I were dating... he knew I was getting them both, didn't really say much about them, but once or twice since has mentioned that I probably don't need another tattoo... he talked for years when we were younger about getting one himself, but never has... I've been planning for about - oh, the past 14.5 months ;) to get "Emma Grace" on the inside of my wrist, and have actually been thinking about doing it in the near future, but I haven't mentioned it to hubs recently... he knows I was talking about it though because I was showing him fonts I liked way back when... I wonder if he would be upset if I were to get it one night while he was working... tough call for me... we've been married for 3.5 years - but together for almost 13... and I've never thought about this all that much before... feeling a little guilty now :)

heather said...

well while my husband was in ait in texas i was lucky enough to be able to stay with family to see him the whole summer..since he joined the army he wanted a army tattoo. i kept saying lets see what happens. to tell the truth i hoped it was a phase and that he would change his mind. im not a huge fan of them and he wanted it on his arm.. well fast forward to 4th of july weekend.. he talks me into going and looking at them.. we ended up spending 2 hours looking at them and about another 2 or 3 getting it done. he ended up with a skull head that says defend this under it. i have to say im not a fan and we talked about it at the place and told him i didnt like them and didnt really want him to have it but it is up to you and he still went ahead and got it done.. i dont hold any hard feeling about it now. i actually forget about it alot, which is nice some times.. me on the other hand i have not gotten anything done without him giving a FULL ok on it..

Madison {Life Happens During Naptime} said...

I had a lot of piercings in my teens and even got a tattoo. I had plans to get another tattoo on my back when I met D. He didn't like tattoos or piercings. I gradually took out the "extra" piercings I had (I keep a single hole in my ears). Not because of him making me (he didn't), but out of respect for him and, well, growing up. I didn't feel that a toungue piercing was appropriate for a married woman. When I got pregnant the belly ring came out. So on and so forth.

So needless to say we don't do tattoos or piercings (aside from the one I got as a teenager, can't take that back but I could if I could). We feel the same as you, that our bodies belong to one another. We also want to honor God's command in Leviticus 19:28.

This was a great post! Thanks for sharing.

star said...

My husband is against tattoos big time! He doesn't like them at all! I recently told him I was thinking about getting a tattoo, and he almost had a heart attack! I don't want one though, I was just messing with him, but if I did decide to get one I would not ask for his approval. It's my body! I am a new follower to your blog and I love it!

Crazy Shenanigans said...

I completely understand you on that second tattoo. I think I would have been upset if I wasn't consulted on it or even asked what I thought about getting it beforehand.

JG said...

Okay, I have to say, this is just me, but I'm really not big on tattoos. SoldierMan is, I think, apathetic. Frankly I just can't imagine marking my body permanently. And it's not the same as getting your ears pierced. All I can think of is, one time I was temping at an office at the front desk, and this woman comes in, at LEAST 65 years old, her upper body completely covered in tattoos, front and back (yes, I know for sure it was completely, she was not the most modest person, either). And it was like, "yeah, doesn't look quite like it did when you were 30, I bet." I can't say I'd be thrilled if SoldierMan got a tattoo, regardless of the reasons. That's just me, however. My SIL has several tattoos as well as our good friends, they all have meanings and things, and that's fine. But for me, it's a negatory.

Isi and Jas' mom said...

I guess I am old fashioned too in a way. For me, I ask my hubby's opinion. If he is absolutely against a tattoo, piercing etc, I will not get it. Hubby always asks for my approval, even for clothes he wears, lol. I would be hurt as well if he got a tattoo without saying a word to me about it until after the fact.

Mrs P said...

I LOOVE the one on his back (obviously). I'd like to see a pic of it completed.

We never had any rules, I got my yellow ribbon without him, I think I'd only mentioned it in passing, if ever, and was going to surprise him with a photo. I got it the day before he died, it means so much more now...

meredith said...

We talk about these things because it's spending our money... tattoos can be expensive!

I see tattoos as art (perhaps the VCU student in me?) However, we both like tattoos... he has the entire bottom part of his right leg covered... and I have my back covered. Among others. There are some tattoos he got "before me", but they are ugly! His tattoos now are at least MUCH better. :)

Lisa said...

I like his tattoos!

I am the tattooed one in our relationship. I have a Taurus sign on my hip, and my alma mater's W tattooed on my right foot. P doesn't particularly care for either tattoo.

I've considered trying to remove one or both but I'm not sure I'm going to. If I were to get any other tattoos, I would definitely discuss it with P first. I doubt he'll ever get a tattoo, but I would imagine he would talk it over with me first.

HellcatBetty said...

Haha! My hubby has a dragon tattoo on each bicep. He also has nautical stars around both forearms (he's big on symmetry). He wants more and I'm sure he'll get more. He talks about ideas all the time... some of them sound cool... others sound HORRIBLE. I know he'd never actually go get another one without talking to me about it first.

Krista said...

well my husband has 2 tattoos and i have none i used to have my belly button pierced but i got rid of it. but now i want a tattoo... but he is like no i like you how you are. but i think i'd be like i get a tattoo before you do if he wanted another one. but he doesnt.
ps i love that you used "wicked" as an adjective. are you from new england too?

Brea said...

First off, I absolutely love the tattoo on his back, as does my fiance. I was reading your post and him being the obsessed tattoo lover that he is (he has 16 so far), spotted the tattoo from across the room and asked me to pull it up larger.. He really likes it. :)

As for our tattoo and piercing "policy" as a couple, I live with the mindset that it's his body, his choice; the same goes with me - my body, my decision.. If he wants to get a giant tattoo of Elmo on his arm, who am I to stop him? He's the one who will have to live with it for the rest of his life. We do always end up consulting each other before getting new tattoos, but it's always ultimately our decision in the end.

Have a great day!

Dani said...

My fiancé also has one tattoo that I'm not too fond of, but for the most part I love all 4 of his! They're just so... "him." They're part of who he is. I don't have any (yet), I'm too undecided. I wouldn't say that we have any rules about what one or the other can or cannot get tattooed, but we generally discuss every little detail of everything else together, so when it comes to tattoos we're the same way! I've run a few ideas by him and he waited for my opinion before he got his most recent. Nice to meet you by the way! :)

allissa said...

I totally agree with you! I got my tattoo before I knew my soldier, but he and I have spoken about this many times and even though we are just dating, we both know that this is it for us, and we have discussed tattoos. It's our rule too. I don't plan on getting any more, but he wants one, and we both agreed to discuss any permanent body changes BEFORE they happen.

I completely understand how you felt about it, but it doesn't make him look bad for getting it either :)

Katie F said...

My hubby and I both had tattoos before we were married but now we both want another one and have agreed to wait until he is home until we go get ours.
I had a friend just find out recently her hubby got a tattoo when he was deployed. She was livid. He didn't even tell her, just posted pictures of it on facebook!
I do like that the guys get tattoos as a way of commemorating their experience and their fallen soldiers.
At least your hubby has a dragon. Mine got his tattoo with his buddies and it's of his last name and social security number. He is a walking identity theft victim every time we go to the beaach since it's on his side. His reasoning behind it was so that in case anything happened to him they could identify him. Very morbid. I avoid looking at it at all costs!

EricsBaby said...

Eric and I both have three tattoos, I got a butterfly on my hip while he was at Basic, he wasn't too happy when he got back and saw it. But we'd only been technically together for a few months before he left. After he got back he got an Eagle with the flag and the words In God We Trust in the middle of his back. That was it for both of us until about a year later when he was getting ready to deploy to Iraq, then we went together and both got a cross with a rose in the middle and thorns going through it, his is on the inside of his upper right arm, mine is on my left shoulder blade. Then when he came back from Iraq, a few months before we got married, I got his initials tattooed on my ankle, and He got an "A" for Alesia on his left upper arm- before he leaves on this next deployment he's going to get my name finished, wrapped around his arm. Soooo, we both have several tattoos, but he says that I am DONE and no more for me :) Lol. I want more, I want a tribal butterfly going across my entire lower back, but I respect my hubby and for us, like you, we believe our bodies are each others' and since he doesn't want me to get any more right now. I won't. Me on the other hand, I WANT him to get more! Lol, I love tattoos on guys, especially my soldier.

Geezees Custom Canvas Art said...

I love tattoos. My husband has a tattoo that i don't care for, but it's his choice and i can't stop him from getting it.

Hebrew Tattoos said...

Thanks for this post. Sometimes the stories behind tattoos, or why people got them, are more interesting than the tattoos themselves!

Roxanne Armstrong said...

I have two tattoos, and hubby has three. One he had before we met. Together we chose to each get the kanji for love. His has what can best be described as a ball of fire around it and mine has a tribal butterfly around it. The next tattoos are different. Now many people disagree with doing this, and I was one of those people for a long time...but while hubby was away at Basic, I went and got a tattoo of his name on my ankle. It was a way for me to deal with the pain of him being away from us. I didn't tell him when he called, I just sent him a picture. He was stoked! Then, when he was in AIT, I flew out to San Antonio to visit him for the weekend, and he got one with my name on his arm. We have been through so much together, that we will always be a part of each other no matter what.

Anonymous said...

The tattoo your husband got was not a symbol of being away from you for an entire year. It was about him building brotherhood with the men to the left and to the right of him. The very same men that he trusted his life too. It shows how he adapted to a situation you will never know about or understand. He would never want you to know about or understand because of how much he loves you. My wife saved my life when I deployed. She showed me that there was purpose to life. And how you blatenly disregaurd his comment for YOU giving him the will to live is selfish an childish. There is no doubt that he was thinking about you, but if he truely thought about you 24/7 he would be worse off. Him thinking about the mission first is what brought him home safely. Him thinking about his brothers is what brought them all home. That is the perfect reason to get a tattoo. To remember the brotherhood they formed when they were away from their loved ones. How they had to adapt to situations that most back in the U.S. would think unadaptable. My wife told me to take a look at this when I got home and we both could not understand how you could disrespect your husband like that.

Mrs. G.I. Joe said...

TO the last "annon" commenter...I could say so many things right now. But I will just say this you and your wife drastically missed the point here. And its interesting that no one else took me so far out of context. So it appears that you judged ME entirely as a person based on one sentence. In your defense I didn't take the time to explain here that this deployment happened 1 week after got married and we were only 19-20 years old at the time! Would I feel a little differently and not be so hurt if it happened during a deployment now? You bet your ass I would! But we were newlyweds when we were ripped apart. Our love was strong but we had no time together at all.

In my defense though...you shouldn't judge someone based on one sentence or one post. Honestly, who does that? For the record I know what the tattoo means and I never opposed him getting it! That point was made clear.

I won't apologize for my feelings. I was hurt that he got it and told me later. If your wife understands 100% EXACTLY what its like for you in combat then good for her. Please direct me to her blog so I can learn something. Because I am a work in progress and I have had little Milie experience besides separations.

I will admit your comment made me cry a LOT this morning but it made me so thankful. My soldier and I talked about this and he doesn't see anything as disrespectful. The awesome thing about him is that he knows I'll never fully understand what he went through over there and that he can't understand what it was like to be the one waiting. He would never judge someone like this. When I say "hey look at this ridiculous thing on the net!" He says "Oh yeah. That is crazy. Hey put that away and hang out with me!" I love him. Thank you for reminding me of how good I have it :)

GIJoe has read all this and wanted me to add something from him:
"I understand what you are saying and under a different circumstance I would agree but in this case she and I were brand new to the whole married to the military situation. I completely understand her reason for being hurt and she completely supports WHY I got it. I appreciate your concern but this really isn't an issue for us. It was simply an interesting topic to discuss. Thanks again and have a great Army day.~SGT GIJoe"

Chancesimtaking said...

We don't have any rules about it but more of a mutual understanding. Anything that we had before hand is what it is. But new stuff is discussed. Granted J has zero tattoos, But I have some piercings. Nothing crazy just my bellybutton, and ears. We both want a tattoo but neither of us are at the point of walking into a shop to get one.

Anonymous said...

I appologize that you cannot handle someone else's perspective on the matter. My husband was hoping to open your eyes to think from someone else's shoes. Your husband understands where he was coming from. So take a deep breath, get off your defensive horse, and understand that he was trying to expand your mind.

He did not miss the point, he just didn't care. So point: No we do not have "rules", he is free to do whatever he wants or needs to help him deal with what he had to do and go through over there. I would never make it about me.

Mrs. G.I. Joe said...

From G.I. Joe:

"I really do not understand why you feel the need to make this a personal issue. I have never felt the need to do anything like this until now so know that this is the first instance where I have felt provoked into saying something. So really try to hear me and comply. Really try to understand me here. This is really unnecessary and unwarranted. Any one can be so bold when they comment anonymously. If you wish to make a comment that will be taken seriously do not hide your identity. For all I know you simply have no grounds for your statements. Do not take this in any way misleading. I am a Non-commissioned Officer. I can speak for myself. I need no one to intercede for me. That being said, drop your needless campaign to have the last word. You really just come off as being rude and I have no patience for unprovoked rudeness. If you so choose to comment back on this, which I sincerely hope you do not, please identify yourself so we at least know that you have a leg to stand on. Until you have the integrity to show who you are, keep your negativity confined to your own household. Don't bring it into mine. It is not welcome here. Instead, spend that time with your husband. Nothing personal really, I just don't care to listen to your attitude. ~SGT G.I. Joe"

MRS. GI Jack said...

Sorry to hear that you are as defensive and closed minded to opinions as your wife. It became personal because we see a lot of wives that take for granted their husband's deployment. "gave him the will to live and bleh bleh bleh..." that kind of talk can eventually wear down on a marriage. You are young, you'll learn. My husband and I have worked together as couple's couselors for several years and have helped save many marriages. You got my husbands opinion for free, most people have to pay. But once again you are only upset that someone has something to really say to you. Nothing personal. I just dont like seeing a wife down-talk a man's deployment, but then again my husband is infantry so he deserves all the respect I give him. He doesnt feel the need to prove anything to you with his rank or identity. Although it is funny how that is so important to someone who is concealing their own identity. I hope that someday you will both be strong enough people to handle criticism and difference in opinions. Good luck to you and your wife I hope you both continue to grow as people and in your marriage.

wifeofasailor.com said...

Mrs. G.I. Joe,

I love how you are so candid on your blog. You write how you feel. I appreciate that. You wrote about how you felt in the past and how you would feel differently now. So very honest.

Instead of lambasting your character, if people disagree, they should just say so. No need to start calling you names for what you write ON YOUR OWN BLOG.

I'm on a forum where we have a little emoticon that is a smiley holding up a sign that says "Don't Feed The Trolls." I think this would work perfectly here.

You are who you are and you shouldn't have to defend yourself against someone who seems like they are just saying things so they feel better about themselves/their marriage. Those of us who know you (not just by one HONEST post) know you are fantastic person.

Keep your head up.

And don't feed the trolls ;)

Madison {Life Happens During Naptime} said...

I always appreciate your honesty in your posts, J.

To The Anons: J and I have been blogging buddies for years now and have found ways to respectfully disagree with one another many times and remain good friends. J can take criticism and disagreement with class when it is done w/ respect. It is perfectly fine to dislike someone's perspective, but name-calling and ganging up is not fair. Here, I have an idea. Don't like J's blog? Don't look at it. I'm sure she won't miss having you as readers.

September Love said...

Drama is for losers.

Let it GO, Mr. and Mrs. Anonymous G.I. Jack.

My friend, Mrs. G.I. Joe, is known and beloved for posting about her life very openly and honestly, and if YOU can't see her writing in perspective, then you just need to let it go and stop reading.

I think it's clear here that she was NOT being disrespectful toward her husband. She was simply having very human and very understandable feelings. All of the commenters before you two seemed to have noticed that... so it's not like it wasn't pretty clear.

J, I love you. Deep breaths, and like Madison said, keep your head up! Because you rock! We love you for your honesty and lovely writing style. Don't let this shake you :)

Sarah said...

Mr. and Mrs. Anonymous Jerk - I mean GI Jack,

Mr. and Mrs. GI Joe do not have a problem with CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. I think they do, however, have a problem with destructive criticism which is exactly what you two were doing. Here Mrs. GI Joe was explaining how SHE felt and their views on the situation and you come in and criticize her for that? How dare you? It's very bold to give unwarranted criticism to someone you don't even know or even want to know who you are.

I think it is YOU who need to grow up and mature. If you disagree with someone's point of view, you are more than welcome to share it in a NICE way. Tearing people down for their beliefs and opinions is unacceptable. As a military wife/family, shame on you for not caring about other military wives. Not all military wives can fully understand what their husbands go through during a deployment. We can, however, be supportive of our husbands which is EXACTLY what Mrs. GI Joe does. By stating that she was hurt because GI JOe got a tattoo without telling her, she was expressing her feelings about how we believe that our husbands bodies are ours as well and vice versa as is stated in the Bible. It had nothing to do with her support of her husband.

Next time you comment, make sure you actually read the entire post and understand where that person is coming from.

Wife on the Roller Coaster said...

It truly saddens me to see all the hatred shared in this thread of comments. Everyone has different opinions. We have different political views, different religions, different viewpoints. And yes, we all have different ways of coping with traumatic experiences like deployments. I love Mrs. GI Joe. She is an amazing writer, a supportive mil spouse, and just a GOOD woman and friend in general. This blog post was an expression of her feelings. She wasn't attacking anyone. She wasn't belittling anyone. She was just sharing her thoughts.

To the anonymous writers, I truly hope you both do help couples who are experiencing a crisis in their marriage. But I hope that you do so in a more thoughtful and caring manner than you attempted in your comments here.

We're all military spouses. We're all coping with separations, deployments, PCS'es, and the craziness of military life in general. Shouldn't we all be supporting each other instead of attacking each other?

Lawyer Mama said...

If GI & Mrs. GI Jack are couples counselors, then I'm Ghandi. No trained professional would EVER go on the offensive and offer such aggressive comments about another's marriage, personality and feelings on such a benign post. (And if she really is, she's a very, very bad one. She's breaking all the rules right out of Clinical Training 101.) True professionals understand that all feelings are valid and must be accepted before they can be overcome.
So, Mrs. GI Joe, please forgive my language, but I'm calling Bull Shit on your anonymous poster.
A troll is a troll. Even if she *claims* to be a counselor.

Daddy's said...

I am sorry, but is GI Jack Ass is really a counselor not bash someone like they did on this blog! Their opinion was not asked for! Deployments are hard and you are more emotional and sometimes little things get under you skin more than they would if our spouses were home. Mrs GI Joe did not have the mil spouse support and she took that and now supports more spouses in a positive way and her help is free! Just saying!!!

Kerry said...

Is it REALLY that important for someone to actually take the time to click on someone's blog, click on their comment section and post a negative anonymous comment?! Seriously?! Where did you get your degrees from?!

No one in their right mind would actually attack another military spouse this way. If you're so concerned with her relationship and would like to leave "pointers" check out her "contact me" section and send her a "constructive" email.

She has every right to be defensive, this is HER blog!

Reagan said...

Good Lord. Girl keep your head up. This is stupid. I give you props for being an army wife and having to deal with 12 month deployments. I'm about to go through a 6 month one and am DREADING it. I know the feeling of sending them off right after you marry them as well. It sucks! Lance got his tattoo before we married, but I recently got one and he went with me and held my hand through the process (got it on my ribs.. OUCH!) but it was fun because we picked it and sketched the design out together. As long as your husband knows where the feeling is coming from and that it is a feeling and not necessarily what you think, it will not hurt your marriage. Hugs from Hawaii!!

Roxanne Armstrong said...

What a shame to see how people try to break other people down. It is truly disheartening. And SO easy to talk a big game, online, where you can "be" whoever you want to be. I truly hope my marriage never gets in "trouble" to where I would be sent to these two to "save" my marriage. It would not be pretty! Why in the world would a person in a "counselor's" position, say something like that to ANYONE? Keep those "FREE" opinions to yourself! I truly hope a counselor would treat a paying customer with dignity and respect. J, keep doing what you do! You ARE appreciated!

R said...

um wow. seriously? I really can't say it any better than previous commenters saying how ridiculous, rude, inappropriate, etc. Mr & Mrs Jack Ass (lol - nice one! and perfectly fitting I think!) so obviously were in their comments - I agree whole-heartedly though. JERKS. BIG FAT JERKS. they (if it even is a THEY - who even knows, "they" quite obviously aren't trained counselors, if they're counselors at all! and if they are, they're extremely bad ones, and I honestly feel for the people they're "helping" - is it possible to check the divorce statistics for that area? anyone?) ;) J - you keep writing and posting and sharing - and ignore those ignorant assholes (sorry for the language - I'm just disgusted by the complete lack of thought and tact in the comments they left you, not to mention that they missed the ENTIRE point. ugh. idiots.) You have ALL of my support - and lots of love from this "non-ranked, non-military" officer's (oops - Deputy! ha!) wife ;) XOXO

Anonymous said...

"My husband and I have worked together as couple's couselors for several years and have helped save many marriages. You got my husbands opinion for free, most people have to pay."

I WOULD DEMAND MY MONEY BACK!